Touch and Consent — Ask First

1 What he shows before he growls

Vets writing for VCA Animal Hospitals list the signals a worried dog uses to put distance between himself and whatever is bothering him, from the quietest to the loudest:

1. avoiding eye contact — squinting, turning his head or his whole body away
2. yawning or licking his lips
3. pinning his ears flat against his head
4. crouching, lowering his body, tucking his tail
5. stiffening or freezing
6. growling
7. snapping
8. biting

The growl is sixth on that list, not first. According to VCA, a dog tends to move further along it when the earlier signals have not worked — when the thing that worries him keeps coming. That is how a growl, or worse, can seem to come out of nowhere: the first signs are quiet, and easy to miss.

A Frenchie has almost no tail to tuck, so with this breed the rest of the list carries more of the message.

WEBSITE FINDING (Hailey Mott, Private Dog Training Chicago) — UNOFFICIAL FINDING: a certified trainer explains where touch fits in. A dog who is petted without being asked, leaned over, or touched again after he has tried to move away can feel stuck — and she notes that this kind of discomfort often comes out later, as reactivity, avoidance, or fear. Stuck is the word worth remembering: a dog who can step away from a hand has a quiet way to say no.

2 What a growl is really saying

On that list, the growl sits between freezing and snapping. It is a warning, and it is as clear as a dog can make it: he is asking to be left alone.

What it warns about is worth putting in plain words. A growl is less “I will hurt you” than “the game is over.” He is not announcing damage; he is announcing that something he was putting up with a moment ago, he is not putting up with anymore. The answer is to end the game: take your hand away and give him room.

And not every growl is the same growl. At Eötvös Loránd University in Budapest, researchers played growls recorded from 18 dogs to 40 listeners. The growls came from three situations: playing tug with the owner, guarding food from another dog, and facing a threatening stranger. The listeners recognized 81% of the play growls, but only 60% of the food-guarding growls and 50% of the growls at a stranger — the two serious kinds were often mixed up with each other. Length mattered, too: the longer a growl at a stranger lasted, the more aggressive it sounded to them.

Your dog probably has more than one growl. How many he has, and what each one means — no article can tell you that, not even this one. You learn that from him.

3 When he rolls onto his back

A dog on his back looks like an invitation, and sometimes it is. But the same posture carries two meanings: a dog who flops over on his own in an excited hello is inviting attention — and a dog who is uncomfortable may show his belly, the most vulnerable part of his body, to say that he is not a threat. Because it can be either, the posture on its own is not a green light: ask with the three seconds below.

The position alone tells you nothing. What tells you is who offered it, and what his body does when your hand arrives.

One more movement is easy to misread. The rhythmic kick of a back leg while you scratch a certain spot is the scratch reflex: you have hit a place where nerve endings in the skin set the leg kicking. The kick is a reflex rather than an opinion: it does not mean he likes being scratched there, and it does not mean he dislikes it either.

4 How to ask: the three-second rule

There is a simple way to ask a dog whether he wants to be touched. Trainers and shelters call it the consent test, the three-second rule, or the three-pet rule; the Ontario SPCA describes it like this:

1. Let him come to you. Turn a little to the side, keep your hands open and relaxed, and invite him over instead of reaching for him.
2. Pet for about three seconds — or three strokes. Gently, on the chest or the shoulder; many dogs do not enjoy a hand reaching over them or patting the top of the head.
3. Stop, and take your hand away.
4. Watch his answer. If he moves closer or nudges your hand for more, that is a yes — go on. If he turns away, stays still, or shows no interest in more, that is a no.
5. If he walks off, let him. Do not follow him; wait until he comes back to you.

Why it works: it gives him a choice. WEBSITE FINDING (Hailey Mott, Private Dog Training Chicago) — UNOFFICIAL FINDING: in the words of the trainer quoted above, it teaches a dog: “You can opt in. And you can opt out.” The Ontario SPCA adds that animals who learn they have a choice, and that choosing works out well for them, often start to seek contact more on their own — and learn that they do not need to escalate to aggression to show they are uncomfortable.

That is the real point of the test. It asks the question early, before he has to answer it with a growl.

5 When touch hurts

A dog who minds being touched is not always saying no to you. Sometimes he is saying it hurts. Trouble with touch is often a dog trying to tell you something rather than a dog behaving badly. Signs to watch for:

• flinching or tensing when touched
• pulling away, avoiding hands, or hiding
• stiffening or freezing while being handled
• growling, snapping, or trying to get away when held
• seeming fine until one particular part of the body is touched
• suddenly minding things he used to accept — brushing, nail trims, being picked up

The belly deserves its own line. WEBSITE FINDING (dvm360) — UNOFFICIAL FINDING: in veterinary teaching notes on abdominal pain, reluctance to be handled and guarding of the abdomen are listed among the signs of pain coming from the torso. A strong reaction to having his belly touched is a question for your vet first.

Contact your vet soon if the sensitivity started suddenly or is getting worse, if he is avoiding his normal activities, if the reactions center on his head, neck, back, hips, or paws, or if there is snapping or an attempt to bite. WEBSITE FINDING (dvm360) — UNOFFICIAL FINDING: when pain is not severe, what you see at home can disappear in the unfamiliar setting of the clinic. So tell your vet what you see at home.

6 Spike: our experience

Our stories and opinions on this page are our personal experience with one dog, Spike. One dog is not the measure for every dog — for your dog, your vet decides.

Spike’s reality  ·  Dominican Republic

“Not every roll-over is the same. One asks for petting — the other says: I don’t want trouble.”

Spike rolls onto his back in two different ways, and we tell them apart by his head first.

Our opinion: the head is our own sign, not something from the research. A Frenchie’s head is heavy: a relaxed dog lets it drop, a worried one holds it up to keep watching you. The closed mouth and the tense body match the sources above. The worried dog is not really lying down; he is keeping his way out. And the trembling leg is not the scratch reflex: there is no hand on him. Look at the head before you look at the belly.

Where he does like a hand: his rear, his hips, and the base of his tail, best when he turns around and offers them himself — and a whole, slow palm, not fingertips. His chest and belly are a no. The advice above suggests the chest for most dogs; for Spike it is the wrong place. Both can be true.

While we pet him, we watch where he is looking. At something else: he allows it, but did not ask for it. Stopping and leaning into the hand: the hand found the right place, often an itch he cannot reach. Turning his head away from the hand: no. Watching the street and turning away from a hand can look alike for a second — when we can’t tell which, we take it as a no.

The belly is the question we have not closed. Spike has had gastritis, and a strong reaction to belly touch can be pain. His hips can be pressed with no reaction, and he runs, jumps and plays — but whether the belly is about trust or about his stomach is for his vet to answer.

About the Author

Spike’s Dad

Not a veterinarian — the human behind Spike, a dark brindle Frenchie, for 7+ years. What is written here is checked as carefully as we can against the sources listed above. When real life with Spike differs from the studies, we say so.

How this site is researched →